Meditation Saved my life

I suffered a lot of trauma growing up. It was no small matter for my small self. I didn’t realize when I got older that these things are what manifested ailments in my physical and spiritual self. In my twenties, I went to see a doctor because I was absolutely convinced that I had a brain tumor. I laugh at myself here because I actually had no clue what was happening within my own body. I felt detached and could not seem to explain to anyone what was going on. I was terrified and my symptoms were so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. I went to see a doctor and immediately told him that I was sure that I had a brain tumor and that I was going to die. I told him all of my symptoms in a flood of words and wanted to know what to do. He actually chuckled and said, “Amy, you don’t have a brain tumor… you’re having Panic attacks”. I stopped dead in my tracks, and said, “what the hell is a panic attack”? When he explained it all to me, I swear it came together like a perfect puzzle and I knew for a fact that he was right. I couldn’t believe it. I was, obviously, quite relieved, but at the same time like, what the hell do I do now??

The first thing that happened, of course, was he prescribed me a medication that I would later find out was an addictive drug, but for the time being, I was just happy to have a small resolution. I had been having said panic attacks while driving for a year before this visit. I would be jamming down the freeway in the fast lane, when all of a sudden, my heart would start racing, my scalp would tingle, my vision got blurry, the back of my head would pound and I would feel like I was going to have a seizure and die. All of this at once, hitting me like a ton of bricks, and I would have to fight through all the cars to get off the road, try and call someone to talk me down. Writing this now, it sounds so dramatic. I assure you, this was VERY real for me. It grew worse and worse until I was so scared for my life, that I made that appointment. So after all of this, I just took the medication and went on my merry way. The way I ended up using the medication was, that I would put it in the console of the car and only take it if I felt a panic attack coming on. I tell you it worked as a placebo! Just knowing it was there made me feel better and I rarely even took it. This is important for the rest of the story.

For years I went on, fighting with the fact that I never liked taking any kind of pills. I would wait until things got really bad before I resorted to taking the medication. I also, as I have mentioned, struggled with addiction in my life, so that was also a concern. I do not like putting chemicals and alcohol in my body. And I can’t do it either because I won’t stop. Here in-lies a huge part of it for me. I want to be free of any mood-changing or mind-altering chemicals. Oh shit.

So for years, I went on, going from this state of mind to that. Being diagnosed with this and that, that and this. Here take this pill and that pill and here is another pill for those side effects and on and on and on it went.

Come to find out, this is actually a huge problem in the world of doctors and medications. It is so hard to get real help, and all of the side effects of medications are truly terrifying. There is always a dependency on Big Pharma and doctors and then our own minds, thinking this is all there is. I am here to tell you that is NOT all there is. Keeping in mind that all the while I was still struggling with my disease of addiction. So it was obviously difficult to get a true diagnosis from a doctor anyway. I had gone on and off of alcohol and drugs, so I was a mess. But I did know that off of drugs, I had panic attacks- a huge part of why I used them in the first place. Full-blown social anxiety and panic disorder along with a traumatic past that I couldn’t shake.

I got clean for the last time in 2015. I removed all mood and mind-altering substances from my body. I went back to eating very healthily, and really taking my physical and mental health into my own hands. These are some of the best decisions I have ever made. Today, I eat a mostly plant-based diet, very little sugar (mostly only sugars that come in the form of fruit and honey) and I don’t get down on myself for splurging every once in a while. But the biggest change was learning how to Meditate.

I attended my first Guided Meditation in 2015 and it has forever changed me. I have learned so much about myself by sitting quietly with myself. By breathing intentionally, grounding, opening myself to Divine Energy, and learning to clear and balance my Chakras (energy centers).

I began to meditate every single morning, starting out with short meditations, and growing into being able to sit longer and longer. Before I knew it, and without even trying, all of my panic attacks disappeared. I mean, I wasn’t even learning to meditate for that reason, that was just an added bonus that I never expected. I thought for all those years, that anxiety and panic attacks would be part of my life forever, and that I would always be in fear of it. I never even saw my life without anxiety. These are only a small fraction of what the practice has done for me on my healing journey and my hope is that others will find the peace and bliss that I have found in my life from just a little dedication and a desire to be better, live better, and feel better. Now, going back to the placebo effect that the first prescription had on me, I realized that the Dis-ease was literally all in my head. I have suffered traumas that manifest themselves in my physical body, and get stuck within the energy field of my ethereal body. Meditation and Energy healing are my antidotes to those stuck, negative, trauma energies.

Today, I am a huge advocate for Meditation and all of the healing benefits of the practice. I eventually became a teacher of Meditation and held my own Guided Meditations at my shop in Oceanside, California, which was called Oside Wellness Workshop. I held Meditations every New and Full Moon and also practiced and taught Reiki there. We held many different classes there and were growing into something beautiful when 2020 rolled around and gave us a Pandemic. We held out for a while but eventually ended up having to close down. This was sad, however, something else sprouted up in its place and I am a believer that there really are no accidents.

I cannot imagine my life without the practice of Meditation, and I love to help others on their own healing journeys and to be that spark of light for others as my teacher was for me in the very beginning. I still hold meditations with people when asked, and I am currently working on creating a bigger space for healing in connection with Unity Pharms.

Today, I am here, alive and free of panic attacks, anxiety, and the fear that it will never get better. Free of chemical dependency and substances that do not serve my well-being. This is a very small version of this story, but I am sure you can see the pattern that spiritual healing is connected to the healing of the body and mind.

Meditation is free and no experience is required to start. I highly recommend attending a Guided Meditation if you have a hard time getting started and if you have questions. I am happy to answer them. Stay tuned for what is in store for the future and the ongoing adventure of Unity Pharms.

In Gratitude,

Amy